Book cover, title, and blurb - how did I get it so wrong?

Posted on April 9, 2019 (Subscribe to Blog)

It's all well and good writing a book and being told it's "a ripping tale" and "highly recommended" and "totally engrossing entertainment"... but none of that matters if the majority of potential readers don't pick it up in the first place. And why would they? The book's cover, title, and blurb all missed the mark.

The Old Cover

As I briefly mentioned in my previous post, this is all started at a sci-fi and fantasy convention early in 2018. I was sitting there at a table with my books spread out, and it seemed quite a few people (mostly female) were drawn to the cover of Unicorn Hunters. That's good, right? Yes, and some people bought it based on the cover and my own spoken description. But others didn't. One young girl didn't like the idea of unicorns being hunted. An older woman said she didn't approve of anything remotely harmful towards horses. So those were lost sales -- because of the title, and because there are hunters on the cover.

At this year's convention, the same discussion came up again, and I found myself saying, "Well, yes, there are hunters, but the point of the story is that the hero, a young shapeshifter named Travis, saves the unicorns from the hunters, and saves a bunch of other creatures too!"

But no amount of explaining will change the minds of those who are already turned off by the image of men with rifles standing over dead unicorns... and who can blame them?

Let me just say this up front: No unicorns were harmed in the making of this book.

After running ads over the last six months for Island of Fog, Fractured, and Unicorn Hunters, I noticed that Unicorn Hunters rarely converted to sales. I decided it was finally time to do something about this. First, I posted my cover and description on a Facebook group dedicated to critiquing those very things. The response was very helpful -- and made me wish I'd done this years ago! Let's take a look. First, my blurb (book description)...

A magical fantasy adventure with shapeshifters and creatures from myth and legend. Suitable for all readers 9 and up. Parents, read this with your children!

It's been twenty years since Hal Franklin and his friends arrived in New Earth as full-blooded shapeshifters. It was inevitable that Hal and Abigail would end up together, and sure enough, now they have a child of their own -- young Travis, now twelve himself and wanting to follow in his father's footsteps as a shapeshifter dragon.

Of course, even though the Shapeshifter Program is available to any approved young person, Lady Simone can't allow just anyone to be fearsome beasts like dragons! Not even the son of Hal and Abigail. So Travis chooses a wyvern, which is technically a dragon but small enough for Lady Simone to bend the rules for.

Meanwhile, the old soothsayer on the hill predicts a spot of unavoidable trouble ahead. Does it involve the recent spate of hunters coming through into New Earth and terrorizing the wildlife? Travis is about to find out when he transforms for the first time and jumps into action to save a unicorn...

This is the first in a series set in the ISLAND OF FOG universe but with a new generation of characters. Each book is a self-contained story following the adventures of Travis and his friends. Good, clean, sometimes scary fun for young readers but suitable for adults as well.

Okay, so with that out of the way, here's the gist of the responses...

You have your call to action where your hook should be. If the book is about the son why even mention the parents in the blurb? On the cover the tale is odd.

I think the title is a bit off putting. Unicorn Protectors would probably be more appealing.

No hunting Unicorns!

Your blurb is more like a book summary and I am confused by it. I am not sure if this is a mg/ya or adult book. Who is the main character? What is the main conflict of the story? If it is a spin off from a series fine but the blurb needs to stand on its own. Be careful trying to tell too much rather than intrigue your reader to find out on own.

I would choose a new cover to appeal a middle grade audience and rework blurb focusing on the twelve year old hero and the conflict of the story. As I agree it doesn't have that MG feel right now.

Read your first chapter. It's MG. Based on the first chapter, I'd go for a wyvern on the cover. :)

I think your first line should be something along the lines of: "Twelve year old Travis wants to follow in his father's footsteps as a shapeshifter dragon."

It's a beautiful cover but it doesn't really look like mg to me. Just looking at the cover with the title it gave me the impression that it was about adult hunters and not a twelve year old boy saving the unicorns which like you said could be off putting.

Don't tell PETA. I like it a lot. What I don't like is the shadows seem to be young kids with automatic type weapons (no expert by any means) which might not fly on school shelves if you are MG. Honestly even as a parent I'd read that first because my sons have autism and take some things very literally.

Lots of comment on blurb (I agree too long and all over) the title too as the MC should be hunting then. My BIG hang up is the three soldiers (military grade weapons, tac vests and helmet scrim) sorry long serving member here. Those hunters should be kitted out as hunters not operators.

The one thing that popped out for me in the blurb was this line: Parents, read this with your children! I didn't know if it was an order or a warning or a suggestion though it came off as either the first or second. It was pretty off-putting.

I don't have cover wisdom, but the title brought to mind a scene I still have flashbacks about -- Voldemort drinking unicorn blood in the first Harry Potter book. My first thought was "If unicorns were harmed in this book, I don't want to read it."

I agree. Unicorns are one of those sacred animals. And, so assumed this was a fantasy novel, so the guns threw me off.

So, with all that being said, I immediately set about changing things...

The Title

No more "hunting." I think it's normally fine for the title to reflect the menace or danger in the novel, to hint at whatever it is the main character has to deal with. But unicorns are off-limits. I've seen plenty of adult horror movie posters depicting men or women in states of terror or torture, and horror fans eagerly watch them... but if you saw a horror movie poster with a dog or literally any kind other animal being harmed, it would be a complete turn-off. So it makes sense that even mythical creatures -- and especially unicorns -- should never be the subject of harm.

Now, if it were an evil unicorn, and the menace was that thoroughly repugnant unicorn, then it might be acceptable... but even then, who wants to see a nasty unicorn?

And then there's another aspect I hadn't even been aware of until recently. Apparently, "unicorn hunting" is a term used for couples who want to, er, make things a little more interesting... You can go look it up if you want to. I had no idea! But I definitely don't want my kid-friendly books sitting on Amazon's book shelves alongside stuff like that.

I could have changed the title and cover so they were utterly different, but I opted to keep the "Unicorn" part so it's a little clearer that Book 1 of the Island of Fog Legacies has just been renamed and not completely rewritten. So I went through a few ideas and settled on Unicorn Rescue. Not the most inspiring title in the world, but accurate, and at this stage I wanted to go with absolutely clear rather than clever. It completely reverses a buyer's perception of the plot, saying "this is about rescuing a unicorn from peril" rather than "hunting a unicorn." Furthermore, the use of the word "rescue" suggests that a rescue actually does take place; there's no question about it.

The Book Cover

There were a few unicorn images I could have chosen from, and I tried them out as mockups. Note that these include a possible new series title, "The Shapeshifter Program," but that's for another day...

The second one struck me as the best, and from the feedback I've received so far, it was a good choice. So here it is with the new, streamlined and more focused blurb...

The New Cover

If you could transform into a creature of myth and legend... what would you choose?

This is the dilemma facing 12-year-old Travis on his first day as a shapeshifter. He's ready to use his new ability to go on missions like his famous parents, to save people from menace and danger, to be a hero just like them. And since it's against the rules to be a dragon, his next best option is a wyvern.

When hunters cross into his world and snatch a harmless unicorn, Travis is quick to transform and fly into action. Perhaps too quick. Who could have known he'd stumble across an illegal private zoo filled with exotic creatures, run by a man with a witch at his side?

So begins the first in a series set in the ISLAND OF FOG universe but with a new generation of characters. Each book is a self-contained story following the adventures of Travis and his friends -- a magical fantasy with shapeshifters and creatures from myth and legend. Good, clean, sometimes scary fun for young readers and suitable for adults too.

Comments from the Facebook group about the new cover:

I like that cover!! And the story sounds interesting.

I think the new cover is really beautiful :)

Waaay better

Love the new cover.

Ah. I like this one much better!

Updated on Amazon, Nook, Apple, and Kobo

This new version -- the exact same story but with new packaging -- is now live in the major stores. Mostly it was a simple case of changing the title and cover for the ebook, but Amazon was a little trickier because they also print the paperback edition, and, as Ned Stark in Game of Thrones might have said, "One does not simply change a paperback's title." No, paperbacks have ISBNs, and certain things like titles and trim sizes are locked forever. So I had delist the old book and start a new one with a new ISBN.

It's all done, but the thing about delisted/unpublished paperbacks is that they never truly go away, so the old Unicorn Hunters version is sure to loiter for a while yet. If you have one -- keep hold of it! It will be worth a fortune one day when I'm as rich and famous as Ms. Rowling. :-)

Check out the new look and the fab new page banner on my Island of Fog Legacies page. And don't forget I now have a brand new Box Set with all five books in this series.

And by the way -- did you know young shapeshifter Travis gets to ride a unicorn? It's a very cool scene. :-)

Comment by NORMA on Wednesday, April 10, 2019...

Woo Hoo!!! Now you're cookin'! That sounds great and looks great. I really enjoyed The Island of Fog and look forward to reading Unicorn Rescue.

Comment by KEITH ROBINSON on Wednesday, April 10, 2019...

Thanks, Norma! :-)

Comment by KENYON HENRY on Tuesday, May 21, 2019...

See, I told you to change it. Why would anyone want to hunt unicorns? ;)

Comment by OLIVER CHAMPNEY on Wednesday, June 28, 2023...

personally i prefer the first title but no one should be deprived from the joy of reading keiths books they are a work of art. can you make yor next book to do with greek myths if you do you will be my favorite author by a mile and your already in my top 3 anyway
I wish you luck
from
Oliver Champney

ps i love all the island of fog books a 10/10 from me :-) ;-):-):-)

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